


John's Vlog

by hpgirl713



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Everyone is just really sad okay?, Grieving John, I'm Sorry, John is sad, M/M, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock is sad, couldn't resist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-02-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 15:12:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1903728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpgirl713/pseuds/hpgirl713
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sherlock's death, John's therapist suggests a video blog to help him cope. Sherlock watches it every chance he gets. It doesn't help as much as he thought it would. One-shot</p>
            </blockquote>





	John's Vlog

     

**Based on[this ](http://johnlocked-kurtofsky-potterhead.tumblr.com/post/42494774755/johnlocked-kurtofsky-potterhead-jawnn-locked)Tumblr post**

* * *

Sherlock had always planned on coming back to John.

That was always the plan. Hunt down Moriarty's web, take them down one by one, ensure John's safety (as well as Lestrade's and Mrs. Hudson's, of course), and then come back.

Every night, Sherlock finds a way to watch John's vlog. Sometimes it's on the tiny screen of his latest disposable mobile. If he's lucky, he manages to break into a lab of some sort, with high quality computers carrying the most top secret files in all of the world's governments. He downloads what he needs quickly and efficiently (usually an updated file on the web), then opens up a new tab to see what John has to say this week.

Usually it's about how he's coping with Sherlock's death. When John began this video blog, he told his viewers that this was a better alternative. He could speak without deleting what he didn't mean to say. In addition, it gave him a sense of speaking to someone. Anyone. In those early days, he didn't do much talking to his therapist, Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade, Molly, his sister... no one.

* * *

_"Day seventeen: Fuck my therapist. Fuck this vlog. Fuck Sherlock. Fuck everything. No one's watching this. What's the point?"_

_"Day forty-five: Everyone keeps trying to convince me that Sherlock was telling the truth up there on the roof. I may have thrown a vase. The vase had it coming."_

_"Day one hundred and one: Managed to have a normal night out with Greg and Molly. They're going out now. I spent a whole twenty minutes not thinking about Sherlock. It scares me. I'm starting to forget what he looked like. The bloody git never took a bloody photograph. …god, I miss him."_

_"Day two hundred thirty: I'm moving on. I have no choice. It's nice though, not having to wake up every night seeing him shot in Afghanistan, seeing him falling to the pavement. I've met a girl. Mary. She's lovely. We're going on our third date next Friday. I feel like I can be happy with someone like her. ...I don't really have a choice. He's not coming back."_

* * *

It's that latest update that really gets to Sherlock. He's spent so much time trying to keep John safe, hurting him so much in the process. He always planned on returning back to John. His John.

But is that really what's best?

He's not sure yet. All Sherlock knows is that John wants to be happy, can be happy with a normal life and a wife and children. A life without the dangers Sherlock carries around like a dark cloud.

So Sherlock sits there night after night, always one step closer to his goal. One step closer to a decision he's not yet made. He sits there and holds back the tears he's refused to shed, smiling through the pain at the fact that he can still see John, still hear his voice. He can know how much John still cares for him, still believes in him.

And it's enough. For now.

But not really.

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever Sherlock fanfic.
> 
> (Reposting all of my fics from my ff.net account in order of publication. I'm there under hpgleek713 if you want to go check it out. Enjoy!)


End file.
